Saturday, December 31, 2011

Soundtrack to My Life Part 2


Welcome back.  We're just going to pick right up where we left off in the soundtrack of my life:

DISCLAIMER - These songs in no way reflect my current musical interests.  Most of them have some kind of sentimental value to me.

Many have theorized exactly what he means when he says that he wants a girl with a short skirt and a long jacket.  Some people think it means that he wants a girl that's all business while being all party at the same time and knows how to get stuff done - no bullshit.  While I think that's a valid point, I'm especially drawn to the idea because if a girl wears a short skirt and a long jacket, it looks like she doesn't have pants on.

I think I identify with this song because of the strong use of similes (something that I strive for).  Plus the woman they describe is pretty much the woman I want.  Why WOULDN'T I want a girl with fingernails that shine like justice??  I like justice.  And I like fingernails.  Who would have thought that those two lovely things would come together?

In all seriousness, I do think there are some good things to take from this song.  Basically, he wants a woman, not a girl.  I can relate to that.

It's the opening lyrics that I really like:  "Never thought anything lasts forever / hanging on every word / hold the cards in tight / but you're killing me with sincerity / and I'd make any move tonight"

I'm usually pretty guarded with people - that's no secret.  If I can give a person 40% honesty, I consider myself being truthful with them.  I've only found a few people that I truly feel like I can be myself around.  But out of all the things that a person can do to charm me over, complete and perfect sincerity is probably the best.  When a girl is completely direct about what it is she wants or expects, my heart melts a little.  When someone tells me directly "you interest me" or that they want to get to know me, I'm all for it.  When someone gives me a good compliment, I relive the moment for the rest of the day.  I guess you could say that I value in other people what I value in myself.  I pride myself on the amount of sincerity I can unleash on an individual.  Unfortunately, most people don't have the social skills to cope with someone being direct and sincere, so they act all weird and then try to say that I'm acting weird.

The memory I have attached to this song is actually pretty funny.  When I first started dating Sara 1.0, we decided to exchange our life soundtracks (much like what I'm doing right now, only I also received a long soundtrack).  I gave her mine first because she wasn't done with hers.  When I got hers a day later, I was pleasantly surprised to find out that a lot of the same songs were on her soundtrack!  It was like we already had so much in common!  I didn't realize it at the time, but now I'm fully aware that she just went and copied some of the songs I gave her and flipped them as her own so that I would be impressed.  Mission accomplished, I suppose; Dark Night of the Soul was one of those songs.  

My goodness, I used to be so dumb...

I initially found this song a little disturbing - "If you die and no one wants you, then I'll kill myself and we can be together in nothingness" is really what it all means.  I guess some people fantasize about following their loved one into Limbo.  

But I have a really nice memory attached to the song (it's a Sara 1.0 memory, though, so it doesn't really count)  I was living in Provo, Utah for a summer.  She was from Clearfield, Utah, which I think is like an hour or so north.  One Sunday, I went to visit her and had dinner with her family and stuff.  Then she gave me a CD to listen to while I drove home and this was one of the songs on it.  I had heard the song before, but it meant something completely different that time around; I really felt like she loved me.  So as I drove home, I listened to this song over and over and smiled all big every time.  

Then it turned out that she was a dirty skank.  But this memory in isolation is a good one.

And then I drove myself to the emergency room the next morning... (story for another time)

Sitting in a crowd of people listening to Benjy Davis was a lot of fun.  When he started playing this song, not only did I laugh super hard at the lyrics, but I don't think I've ever heard a crowd react so well to a song.  After singing the first chorus with him, everyone broke out into a huge love-fest, grabbing the nearest person to them and... well... you get it.  We would break things briefly to sing the chorus, and then resume the loving.  So of course I have an awesome memory attached to this song.  Three awesome memories, in fact...

I've always been one of those people who think that anytime is a good time for romance.  I don't care if I'm on the front step of a huge beautiful mansion at night overlooking the quiet valley below while snow gently falls (true story - Anne-Marie), or on a subway.  Anytime is a good time for lovin'.  I feel like I need a woman who can agree to that.

I'll go ahead and admit it outright - I used to cheat on girls.  I didn't think much of it at the time.  I didn't really understand what I was putting other people through.  Insensitive and stupid, I know, but I'm lucky because I'm capable of learning lessons.  I know better, now, and as a result, have absolutely no patience for it.  If I watch a movie where a husband cheats on a wife or whatever, I'll most likely leave.  I find that more offensive than violence, crude humor, or partial nudity.

As far as I know, I've been cheated on twice.  One was at a New Year's party in high school (and rather than getting mad, I got even by making them both cheat on each other - bisexuals are so much fun), and the other was Sara 1.0.  It's very possible that it's happened more and I just don't know about it.

I've had friends that tell me, "I don't know why, but this song reminds me of you."  I always kind of felt that way about the song, too.  I'm not totally sure why.  Almost everyone cheats / gets cheated on in life - it's just one of those things about relationships that sucks.  I guess I can relate to the madness-inducing emotions and paranoia that accompany distrust.

21.  All I Want Is You - Tristan Prettyman (originially by Barry Louis Polisar)

Original Song Recording HERE

I think it's clear why I prefer the Tristan Prettyman version.

I mean this in the most masculine, manly, gender-secure way possible -- This song is adorable.

This video is so hot to me.  Tristan Prettyman is so freaking sexy.

Points to pay attention to - at 0:57 when Tristan Prettyman looks at G. Love... I wouldn't mind getting looked at like that.

Tristan Prettyman between 2:28 and 2:35 is so freaking sexy.

This song reminds me of Jamie.  The Jamie story is kind of a weird one and I don't really feel like telling it right now, but I probably will at some point in the future.

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

My Romantic Resume

If you couldn't tell from my spike in negativity towards the female gender over Facebook and a little on this blog, you could probably gather that I recently (several weeks ago) got dumped.

Now, when I say dumped, I don't mean like dumped dumped.  We weren't actually dating (we were really more like each others' dirty little secret).  But things were headed that way.  Things such as cuddling in the backseat of a car on the parkway, talking until 4am, confessing that we have strong feelings for each other, and making out in various locations in my bedroom led me to believe things might be going somewhere (plus she said so).  So it confused me when she changed her mind a few days later (after insultingly avoiding me over the course of those few days while simultaneously telling me that we were going to hang out).  I'm fine with rejection - that doesn't bother me.  It's letting myself be led on that bothers me.  I'm smarter than that.  I'm better than that.

I've started a few different blog posts trying to be all angry and stuff at her, but nothing has come from them.  You see, I lie to people a lot - her included - but I also promised myself that with her, I would be as truthful as possible, and also admit the truth when I caught myself lying.  It's not perfect, but it's as close as I can get right now (while constantly improving).  So me writing a dramatic, angry blog post would be lying.  I don't hate her and I'm not angry.  I think she's great.  I don't know her reason for not wanting me.  I assume it's a bad one because if it were a good one, she would have told me and I would have changed it.  But again, the rejection in and of itself doesn't bother me - that's dating.  It's me being led on that really bothers me.

Our friendship is irreversibly damaged.  Without some kind of vulnerability from her (something I'm not sure she's capable of), things will never be the same.  Which is sad, but it's kind of how these things work.

So then I made a list of how awesome I am and why girls should like me.  I suppose you could consider this a resume.  If you happen to read this and are like, "Wow, he sounds like a great guy!  I want to date him!", feel free to leave a comment or send me an email or something like that.  I don't care if you're local, foreign, fat, skinny, hot, ugly, or even female.  Just do it.

  • I'm by far the most respectful man you'll ever date.
    • "No" means "no".  The second you even think it, I'm apologizing and driving you home.  I understand that sometimes it really does mean "try harder", but I'd rather play it safe.
    • I'm not going in for the kiss unless I really do want to communicate to you that I like you.  It wasn't always like that, but I've found that dating is a lot more fun when things are done that way.
  • I'm good-looking.
    • In recent months I may have gained a little weight (it happens when you do nothing with your time), but when we subtract that, I am very, very good-looking.
  • I'm smart.
    • I amaze myself at my capacity to quickly learn things and retain them indefinitely.  I often show it off to people, too.  I remember facts and small details about insignificant things that happened ten years ago.  Chances are very high that if we've met, I can recall the exact conversation (line by line), where we were, what you were wearing, what I was thinking when I was reading your facial expressions, etc.
  • Parents love me.
    • Seriously.
  • I'm funny.
    • I can make anyone laugh.  That's a promise.
  • I'm charming.
    • When I want to be.   I know exactly what to do and say to really charm a girl over.  It's something that I've toned down in recent years (you know - with great power comes great responsibility...), but when I open the gate even just a little, you can physically hear the swooning.
  • I'm an amazing kisser.
    • I'll show you!
  • I'm determined.
    • When I want something, I get it - even if it takes several years.
  • I play piano.
    • And I play it well.  I am more than willing to sit and play for you all day long.  I'll even teach you (but I'll do a crappy job so that I can justify touching your hands lots of times).
  • My family is freaking awesome.
    • Every single one of them - nuclear and extended.  I'm not exaggerating even a little bit.
  • I'm good at pretty much everything.
    • Sports, artsy stuff, work, etc.
  • I'm gonna make a ton of money.
    • Once this whole school thing decides to end for me.  I come from a pretty wealthy background, so the odds are highly stacked in my favor.
  • I enjoy giving massages.
    • Back massages, calf massages, foot massages, etc.  I like it.  Feet don't bother me at all.  I actually plan on making a career out of it.
  • You will feel safe in my arms.
    • That's a promise.
  • I will make you feel like the most special person on the planet.
    • I'll encourage you to do things that you would never otherwise think yourself capable of doing.  I'll be your biggest fan.  I'll always be there when you feel discouraged or not worthy.  I'll listen to anything you have to say.  I'll show you that I care about you in the exact way that you like it. I'll always drop what I'm doing for you.  I'll always be available to you - both emotionally and physically.  I'll always be thinking of what would make you the most happy.
  • I'm way more of a "giver" than a "taker".

    Tuesday, December 20, 2011


    This is an official cry for help.

    I just want a friend that I can sit down and talk with.  Plenty of people agree to it - no one does it.  I'm feeling pretty down right now.

    EDIT:  It's the next day and I think I should explain this a little more.  This isn't like a clinical depression - I can very much identify reasons for me feeling like crap.  Basically, I look at my life these last few years and not a lot has happened.  It wouldn't be a big deal, but not having anyone to talk to for such a long time really wears a person down.  I don't have anyone to go home to at the end of the day to validate me or tell me they believe in me or anything like that.  I just go home.  So that's what's going on.  Nothing dangerous.  Thanks to all for all the messages.

    Monday, December 5, 2011

    Soundtrack to My Life: Part 1

    So yesterday, I set out to put together a mix CD for Lauren (the girl from Accidental Date).  We were going to go on a walk, but then she wasn't feeling well, so then I wanted to do something nice for her.  Anyway, that project slowly turned into me putting together a pretty lengthy soundtrack to my life.  Like, if I gave this to her, it would be like 3 CDs long.  Presenting the soundtrack of your life to someone that you've only been on like two dates with is a little strange - especially if it's a multi-CD deal.  That's a little weird, so I decided to blog about it instead.

    I'm in an unbelievably sentimental mood right now - heads up.  If you have time, read and listen!

    I like music.  I like music that speaks to me.  I like music that has powerful memories attached to it.  These songs have some deep meaning to me that I can't quite convey in written form over the internet.  These are the kinds of songs that I would listen to with someone and tell them all the stories from my past and hold nothing back and stuff.  Unfortunately, I don't really have any friends that I can just sit with and talk about anything and not risk judgment.  I used to have friends like that, but they're either on a mission, married, or dead.  It's something that I really miss - being able to talk to someone about literally anything without them judging me or thinking I'm weird or whatever.

    Anyway - I present you with The Soundtrack To Brandon's Life (I hope you like punk rock).  A lot of these songs are going to have links to the actual music.

    1.  I Believe In a Thing Called Love - The Darkness

    This is basically my theme song.  It's also the theme song of my car, Kuto.

    I'm always in the mood to listen to it.  I only have good memories attached to it, and as sappy as it sounds, I really do believe in a thing called love.  I'm scared of it and do things to purposefully sabotage it for myself, but I still believe in it.  I don't have any specific memories attached to this song.  If you want to impress me, reference this song at some point during a conversation.

    2.  Booty Call - G. Love

    This song reminds me of summer of 2009.  I was at BYU and was having a little bit of a "makeout overlap" (when you're on the way out of one booty call relationship and into another with no clear endpoint or starting point) with Crazy (a post about her is coming soon) and Jamie.  Crazy's and my relationship was basically one big booty call.  We tried the relationship thing but we had no idea what we were doing, so it always just devolved into a booty call.  Same thing with Jamie (until things took a weird bounce a few weeks in).

    I technically wasn't cheating, but I cut it pretty close (by seriously breaking up with Crazy like 8 minutes before starting things up with Jamie).

    Also, I love the grin that G. Love does around 1:06 into the video.  That grin basically sums up a booty call.

    3.  Cool Kids - Screeching Weasel

    This song has all kinds of hidden meaning behind it.  One of them is a commentary on political parties.  The other is how dumb cliques are in school.  I was one of the cool kids in high school.  I was a pretty big jerk to people, but I was a likable jerk.  It's hard to describe.  I was pretty much friends with everyone, but I was pretty selfish about my relationships with people.  That bled into my adult life as well.  I like this song because a) I think it's funny and b) it reminds me to not be an ass to people.

    4.  San Dimas High School Football Rules - The Ataris

    I guess I could say that this is the theme song to my high school years.  Everyone at school knew it and listened to it.  On top of that, I have a pretty good memory attached to it.

    Lots of people don't know this about me, but I was in a performing group for a few years in high school.  It was called Young Performer's Company.  We'd travel around the state (California) and sing and dance and put on plays and stuff.  It was a lot of fun.  I think there were like 11 or 12 of us (3 guys, the rest girls) and we were all really really close friends.  All kinds of weird relationships and hookups took place (that's kind of what happens when you put a group of talented and good-looking teenagers in close quarters for days at a time).  Of the 8 or 9 girls, I know that I made out with at least 6 of them (one of them was like 9 years old, so that throws off my numbers a little).

    One performance we did was at Disneyland.  We were all in a hotel (if I gave you time to think about it, I'm sure you could figure out how this story ends).  There was one girl that I really liked; for fear of her reading this and hunting me down (things didn't end on the best note), we'll call her Liz.  Liz had a boyfriend.  At the time this story took place, she and her boyfriend had been together for a little over a year.  I think they're married now.

    Liz and I snuck out of the the hotel during our Disneyland trip and did a "night on the town" in Anaheim.  With extensive use of fake IDs and some guy's credit card that I stole from a bar, we reenacted a pretty large chunk of this song.  It was one of the better nights of my life, and San Dimas High School Football Rules really, REALLY reminds me of that night.  Liz and I never actually dated and we never really told our friends about that night.

    5.  Lately - The Ataris

    This song pretty much describes why I hate relationships so much.  I mean, I don't hate them.  I just hate all the crap that comes along with them... which I guess every relationship has, so I guess it's safe to say that I hate relationships; my experience has been that they're way more painful than they're worth.  In some relationships I feel constantly insecure and jealous, and in others things are perfectly fine and then BAM, something goes wrong.  There never seems to be that mutual point of equilibrium where both people are perfectly happy and satisfied with the state of things.  I can only think of one relationship where things felt like that, and it was with Emily when I was 17.  I wish I knew and recognized what love was at that age...

    This song reminds me of all the frustrations that come along with relationships.  I feel like I should listen to this song before every date (instead of listening to I Believe in a Thing Called love).  It'd do a better job of preparing me for the night...

    6.  Dammit - Blink-182

    The chorus of this song is really what does it for me.  "And it'll happen once again / you'll turn to a friend / someone that understands / sees through the master plan..."

    I had a friend growing up named Carly and I always thought of her when I heard this song.  Carly and I dated on and off throughout high school.  Several years later, Carly accused me of date rape (not guilty) and basically destroyed my life for several years.  But in the time that we were actually friends and before she went psycho, we were really close friends - she just always seemed to "get it".  We were able to talk about anything without fear of judgment.  I miss that.  But not with her.  Because she's psycho now.

    7.  Adam's Song - Blink-182

    My best friend committed suicide a year and a half ago (Valentine's Day of 2010 at around 4:30am - I'm the one that got the phone call from the police) after his girlfriend broke up with him (that's the super short version of the story).  I have no idea how to describe the pain and confusion surrounding the whole thing.  It really does make me feel sick when I think about it.  Whenever I mention it to someone, I always play it off like I'm perfectly fine, but it still eats at me on the inside.  It's something that I haven't really talked about with anyone.  I made a blog post about it once, but I'm pretty sure I deleted it.  I spent several months absolutely depressed and bad ideas started to sound like good ideas.  This song reminds me of his feelings leading up to it as well as my feelings following it.  When I miss him late at night (like last night), I put on my headphones and, in tears, play this song on the piano.  I miss him.

    8.  Smack That - Akon

    I know this one sounds totally out of place (following a bunch of punk rock songs), but I absolutely love this song.  I probably shouldn't go into too much detail on the memories attached to this song... I do remember that one of my mission friends, a Dominican named Volquez, would always sing this song in English.  It was hilarious.

    9.  No Woman No Cry - Xavier Rudd (Originally by Bob Marley)

    The actual song starts at 1:15, so just skip to there.  On top of me loving how Xavier plays the guitar, this song reminds me of a friend at BYU that we will call "Hottest Girl That Brandon Has Ever Been With (or HGTBHEBW for short)".  HGTBHEBW and I would go out late at night, listen to reggae, and talk (and stuff).  It's the kind of memory I think back on and smile every time - we'd watch shooting stars and talk about anything.  Plus she was extremely hot.  I can't even put it into words how hot she was.  Seriously.  My heart still picks up a little when I think of her.

    10.  Jailer - Asa

    The actual song starts at 0:35.  I often talk and joke about how I used to be insane (haha).  Yeah, it's funny, but it's also true.  I was nucking futz towards the end of 2008.  This is one of the songs that I listened to a lot during that time.  I guess the idea of being a prisoner in my own body really stood out to me.

    11.  Let Me Go - The Belleville Outfit

    There is no official music video and you can't find the lyrics online.  About a year after my best friend died, I was still pretty down and depressed about it.  I decided randomly to go to a concert - I didn't care which one.  So I randomly looked online for nearby concerts, chose one, and went by myself.  The Belleville Outfit played, and they were incredible.  Easily the best live show I've ever seen.  I came out of that concert feeling different.  I don't know why, but I see that moment as a major turning point in my life.  The chorus really speaks to me "And I'd thank the Lord everyday / but he probably wouldn't listen / wouldn't care anyway / let the curtain fall, that's the end of the show / let me go".  I really feel like that sometimes.

    Plus the girl in the group is smokin' hot.

    12.  Light of Other Days - Benjy Davis Project

    Ignore the family montage music video thingy.  I chose that video because it's the highest quality recording.  Aside from Benjy Davis being one of the best songwriters I've ever met, this song reminds me of Fall and I love Fall.  Plus every time I hear the opening line, I always think "I wonder what that means" and then I try to figure it out.  I really should just ask him, but it's more fun to think about it.

    13.  United States of Whatever - Liam Lynch

    This is what happens when you give an idiot a guitar, a microphone, and some meth.  I love it.  I chose this song first because it's funny, but I also have a great memory attached to it.  When I was 17, I dated a girl named Emily.  Emily was by far the best girlfriend I ever had.  If we were older, things would have definitely worked out well.  She worked at the grocery store on the other side of the city and I would always drive over there (past lots of other grocery stores) to buy Poptarts just so I could run into her and talk to her.  One night, she was on her break.  We climbed into her car (yea buddy!) and I remember this song playing over the radio.  We sat and laughed for a good 5 minutes afterwards.

    14.  Prototype - Size 14

    For the life of me, I can't find a good recording of this song.  You can listen to most of it in the iTunes store (which I very strongly suggest you do).  It's about a guy who can get any girl he wants and they call him The Prototype.  My best friend, after hearing this song, sometimes called me Prototype because he was always impressed with my ability to charm girls.  I've definitely laid off the charm in the last few years.  I just don't have nearly as much interest in being The Prototype since Sara 1.0.

    15.  Walkie Talkie Man - Steriogram

    This song cracks me up!  I've been listening to it for like 6 years, and I still have no idea what he's saying.  If you want to put me in a good mood, put this one on.  I remember my cousin showing it to me (probably thinking I'd really like it) and I rolled on the floor laughing (rofl'd, for all my internet homies) the whole way through.  I don't know what it's about, but it holds a special place in my heart as being "that one song that always makes me laugh".