Monday, July 25, 2011

Any Last Words?

So Saturday night I got a text from my dad saying that my gramma on my mom's side has had a few strokes and is in the hospital and that the family was going to meet together after fasting to decide the best course of action.

Gramma Adams has been a widow since 2003.  I don't know how long her and grampa were married before he passed away due to cancer.  To my knowledge, they were never apart for longer than a day or so throughout their lifetime.  She has been lonely and miserable ever since he left and has wanted nothing more than to pass on to him.

We were never terribly close.  Her approaching death won't really alter my life in any way.  I'm more worried about my mom and how she'll handle it.  But it's still a sad thing when a family member passes on.

Anyway, I just got a call from my mom, saying that she is about to go inside to see gramma and wanted to see if I wanted to talk to her one more time.  So in a few minutes, I'm going to be getting a phone call and then it'll be up to me to express my love for a dying woman who won't be able to respond to me.

I've never had to deliver any "last words" to a person before.  I'm not entirely sure what I'm going to say.  It can't be much because she can't really talk.  It'll probably be nothing more than a simple "I love you" and "thanks for the awesome middle name".  It's just kind of a weird feeling knowing that in a few minutes I will say the last thing that I will ever say to a person.

Friday, July 22, 2011


I have literally started at least 20 posts in the last two months and haven't finished a single one.  I have a few really good ideas going and I work on them a little at a time, but there's nothing good enough to post.  While most of my posts aren't exactly what I would call quality, I do like to spend a little time piecing things together and making sure it all has that "Brandon" flare to it.

This summer has both sucked and been great at the same time.  I don't have any friends here in California (I guess that's a lie.  I ran into a high school friend earlier today.  He's homeless.  Go Broncos!).  I spend lots of time by myself.  I interact with dozens of people every day because I try to sell them things.  The guys I work with are good guys, but the closest one to me is twice my age.  Unless you exclude my boss, who is also my brother.

I got asked by a lady the other day how I managed to get my job.  I work in a chain store called Relax the Back.  Each store is individually owned, but it's all under one corporate name.  We sell things for spinal health from massage chairs to office chairs to recliners to mattresses.  We sell lots of things to old people with lots of money and bad backs.  It's rare to see someone so young try to sell things so expensive to a demographic of people that could easily be my grandparents.

So how did I get the job?  Well, first off, I really know what I'm doing.  Being a missionary gave me enough sales training to set me for life.  I wasn't just selling overpriced furniture.  I was selling God.  I wasn't even selling something that a person can touch or feel, or even something that I'm 100% sure exists.  I would get people to commit 10% of their income for the rest of their life in exchange for their promise of going to church and staying off drugs.  Kind of sounds like a one-sided deal (and it kind of is).  The point is that if I can sell an idea to people for 10% of their money for the rest of their lives, I can sell them a $7000 massage chair without too much trouble.

Another contributing factor to my current and future employment is that my boss has sex with my sister.

To further solidify things, my dad is my boss' boss.

And to further drive home the idea, my family is the majority shareholder for the company.

So it's safe to say that the deck is 100% stacked in my favor.  But they also have no problem with firing me if I screw something up, so while it was easy to get the job, it's also easy to lose (I've come close a few times already).

Anyway, back to how this summer has both sucked and been good.

It's sucked because I don't have friends.  I'll go ahead and admit that I'm not the most social person in the world, but I would still hang out with my friends about every other day out at school.  The other 50% of the time, I was usually by myself.  Now, I'm always by myself.  I've taken advantage of my being-alone-ed-ness to learn all kinds of great things (like the harmonica).  It's also given me a lot of time to think things through and over-analyze every facet of my life.

One analyzation (a word?) that led me to one of my more optimistic thoughts in life is as follows:

I've really looked at myself over the last few years and analyzed how I've changed.  The last 3 years have no doubt been absolutely terrible in pretty much every way.  I lost the girl I loved, I buried my best friend, I went insane for a while (twice), and overcoming a permanently drug-induced (and now drug-treated) state of insomnia have all given me enough reason to completely hate life.  But I don't.  I very much like life.  I've learned so much about trust, what it means to be a good friend, and that anywhere there's suffering, there's always someone trying to help.  The last 3 years have been terrible, for sure, but I've gained great insight and optimism for people in general.  People talk about how the world is getting more and more evil and all that.  My experiences contradict that.  Sure, there are some messed up sons of bitches out there, but my experience has been that most people are good and have good morals and are willing to help others that need help.  This thought probably isn't coming out too clearly because it's 12:22am and I'm drugged, but being able to reflect on the last few years has given me an appreciation for the people around me.

Anyway, it's late and I'm tired.  This isn't the best written post I've ever done, but I've had enough people harass me about posting that I figured I'd do something real quick.