Monday, October 17, 2011

Reasons it's awesome being a single college guy:

My college years are slowly coming to an end.  After December, I'll be just another person with a college degree.  It's about time; I'm almost 26 years old (I spent some time abroad and insane - don't worry about it).  I'm going to miss my college years dearly, but it's also time to move on.  So here are some of the greatest things about being a single college-attending male.

1)  "What time is it?  &*$# it, I don't even care."

I can lose track of time and it's not a big deal.  Aside from (maybe) classes (maaayyyyybe), I don't really have anywhere important I need to be.  Sometimes I have a meeting for X activity or I want to make it a point to run into Y girl, or I have to meet with Joe Bouchelle because I said Z ridiculous thing in class, but those are relatively rare (with the exception of situation Z, which is biweekly at least).  I'm a pretty self-sufficient student, so I rarely have study groups or tutoring or anything like that.  I can lose track of time and not even care.  That's something real (effective) adults can't do.

I'm an ineffective adult.  Whatever that means.

2)  "Who are you and why are you sleeping in my bed?"

I live in as close to a party house as you can get around here.  We have beds everywhere because, well, when you have an itch, you need to scratch it (and most of the time you want help).  Weekends are especially fun; I wake up and go out of my room and there literally are just a bunch of bodies everywhere that I have to step over to get my morning drink of water.  It's not rare for me to come out of my room and just find people that I've never seen before in some random corner of the house just hanging out.  I've stopped bothering myself to ask them who they are.  I never understand the answer anyway.  For some reason, that's fun for me.  It'll be something I miss once this whole college thing comes to an end.

Plus it's always a nice surprise when she's hot.

3)  "You're eating THAT for dinner?  Dude, I want some."

I can eat whatever I want - when I want.  Ice cream for breakfast?  I have no reason NOT to!  Corn dogs for dessert?  Normal people have corn bread - it's not too far off.  Double Stuff Oreos for brunch?  Guess brunch isn't for the feminines anymore.  I'm honestly surprised that I haven't managed to give myself scurvy in my time as a college student.  It's nearly depressing when I think to myself "I can't remember the last time I ate a vegetable or a fruit..."  But then I remember I have cookies and cream in the freezer and the depression disappears.  Sometimes I'm too lazy to get up and go to the kitchen to get something to eat, so I just eat whatever Halloween candy I have next to my bed and call it a meal.

"Lethargy" is one of the early symptoms of scurvy...

4)  "Who was that girl you were with last night?  No, the blonde, not the brunette."

I'm not one for the one-night stand (anymore).  But it is nice knowing that I can go out with a different girl every night if I want.  Girls don't have that luxury as much - their role in the dating world is to just sit and wait for someone to ask them out.  Sure, they have moves they can do to speed up the process, but in the end, it's usually the man's job to... well... be a man (and you know what that means).  Not having that control would drive me crazy because when I get a good date idea, I go on a date.  As long as the girl's schedule isn't already full, it's usually a pretty easy deal, too.  I just have to digest the butterflies in my stomach and call her (texting to ask someone out still seems lame in my book).

Boom.  Date acquired.

5)  Ear plugs + sleep mask = goodbye world

If I feel like just being alone for a while, I have the highest decibel earplugs money can buy and a memory foam sleep mask.  It's as close to sensory deprivation as a person can get without a medically-dedicated chamber (like in Daredevil - a claustrophobe's nightmare come true).  Normal adults can't do that - they have kids or a spouse that want their attention.  Having an entire afternoon dedicated to disappearing isn't ok for them, but it is for me.  And I don't even have to plan it - it just happens!

*looks online for sensory deprivation chamber*

6)  "I'll be right over.  I just need to find my pants."

I don't like pants.  That's no secret to anyone (and if it was, it no longer is because I'm publishing this on the internet).  When I'm in my room, about 85% of the time, I don't have pants on.  I just don't understand why we chose denim as our go-to fabric for pants.  Why not something stretchy?  Something that breathes a little better?  Something that isn't blue?  So I figure that in order to counteract all the time that I spend pants'd, I need to spend equal or more time unpants'd.  I'm in my room right now.  Can you guess the current status and location of my pants?

Text it to me, 'cause I honestly don't know.

7)  "You look like you just woke up."

I always look like I just woke up.  Sometimes it's because I just woke up (imagine that).  Sometimes it's because I'm still awake (far more likely).  Either way, I always smile a little when someone tells me that I look like I just woke up.  Not because they think I look like crap (that sucks).  But because I can look like I just woke up and it has no bearing on how my day goes (generally).  If I just look like I woke up while working some kind of job, my boss most likely isn't going to like that.  I don't really have a boss and professors aren't staring at me when they're grading my papers.  I can look like a slob and no one cares.

Extra bonus points:  I dress up and everyone notices.  Then I finish the day with a bunch of phone numbers that I don't plan on calling.  A lot of people can't say that.

8)  "You seem different lately."

This one is actually a little more serious.  I like that being single and in college means that I can change myself fairly quickly.  I'm talking about my personality.  Is there something I don't like about myself?  Boom.  Changed.  (Charlie Sheen'd)  Normal people have a tough time with that because their spouse or their boss expects them to be the way they normally are.  Changing bad habits is difficult to begin with - changing bad habits when everyone you know and care about expects you to keep those bad habits is exponentially more difficult.  It's often our preoccupations with how those we love perceive us that keep us from being better.

Be better.  I believe in you.

9)  Wall-E Bedsheets

I have Wall-E bedsheets.  I'm almost 26 years old.  I love Wall-E.  I also have a little doll that a friend gave me a few years ago of Wall-E.  Normal adults can't have bedsheets of cartoon characters.  They have to impress their wife or something like that.  I can decorate however I want and it's just the way I like it always.  I think it's sad when parents tuck their kids in at night and are jealous of their child's Spider-Man sheets.  That's not ok.  Everyone is entitled to their Spider-Man sheets (or sheets of their choosing).

Normally lists stop at a nice bow-on-the-top number (such as, for example, ten).  But I want to go do something else but I don't want to leave this post for something for me to do another day.  If there is anything great about the stage of life that you're in, feel free to comment it.


  1. Okay. So.. as a "real" adult I have to say that a lot of these apply to life after college too. Especially #3 and #6.

  2. Just because you're not in college doesn't mean you're a real adult, Bri. If these apply to you, it means you're a "special" adult.