Tuesday, November 30, 2010

I Like It.

My taste in movies is somewhat... sporadic.  So is my taste in girls.  So is my taste in food.  So is my taste in games.  So is my taste in places to live.

Really, there's no telling what I will like and what I won't like and when I'll like it.  People always try to match things to my personality and stuff like that.  The problem is that my personality is kind of a moving target.  I'll be all for something one day and then decide it's dumb the next day.  A few months ago I was on a nature-y granola kick.  Now I eat McDonald's every other day.  It's funny to see when people try to match me and my personality with things.

My favorite movie is Wall-E.  Yeah, I'm fully aware that it's a children's movie and that there's hardly any talking.  No, the part where the fat people roll down the ship isn't my favorite part.  No, I don't really care about the social commentary or whatever.  My favorite is the first third of the movie.  You know - the part with absolutely no talking.  Huh?  What's that?  One third of a movie doesn't count as a "part"?  I don't care.  Screw you.

Whenever people ask me "Hey, Brandon.  What's your favorite movie?"  I say, of course, "Wall-E."  Then they say, "No, besides that." as if my favorite movie doesn't count as a favorite movie.  So then I tell them that I really liked Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World.  Then they say, "No, besides that."

Excuse me?  Why doesn't my favorite movie count?  Did I ask you to choose a different movie when you said Singin' in the Rain?  I didn't tell you that I think that movie sucks and it's stupid and that anyone I've ever met, ever, that chose that as their favorite movie of all time proved themselves to be either a total and complete douchebag-idiot, or a worthless cheating gutter-slut.  I just thought to myself, "Melodramatic idiot." and then kept living my (apparently simple) life.

"What's that?  You liked Wall-E?  You should like Toy Story 3!"  I don't.  I mean, I like it just fine, but if I never saw it again I wouldn't feel like I was missing out on anything.  Quite frankly, I forgot the movie existed until someone recently suggested it to me.  I said that I had seen it and they got all excited and asked me what my favorite part was and I always say the part where the evil baby doll is sitting on the swing staring up at the moon.  They give me a blank look.  That part is funny!

Am I the only one in the world that thought that the baby staring at the moon was the absolute most funny thing in that entire movie?  If that part weren't in there, I'd say that I didn't like the movie.  But it was, so I liked it alright.

The point is, I like Wall-E, but I don't like movies like Wall-E.  It doesn't make sense, but that's how it is.

This happens with girls, too.  People suggest girls to me all the time.  "She's really cute and you guys like the same things!"

For a while, I decided to go along with it.  I'd look at a girl and think to myself, "I'm going to make myself think she's cute because my friends really want this to happen but she's totally not a girl that I would pick out for myself."

I've realized one thing - I don't want to marry a girl that is like me.  I don't care if we have anything in common.  That's what makes things interesting.  Sure, maybe there can be one or two things to fall back on when the conversation slows down, but I like hearing about other things that people enjoy doing.  If I wanted to date me, I'd never leave the bathroom.

No two girls that I've dated have ever resembled each other in any way in the slightest.  My first girlfriend was mentally insane and fat.  My second was really short and preppy and maybe weighed 90 pounds.  My third had bright pink hair and was a whirlwind of hotness and she knew it and she worked it.  The fourth had really long, brown, curly hair and liked to sit in her room and smoke pot all the time and didn't care about anything or what people thought.  My fifth was a blonde hardcore snowboarder with very, very low self-esteem that started the relationship kinda fat, lost a ton of weight, and gained it all back just after breaking up.  My sixth was an "everyone thinks my life is perfect but it's not! I have issues!  I promise!" kind of girl and a belly dancing instructor.  My seventh was a tall blonde pole dancer in Vegas.  My eighth was a straight-up granola hippy that didn't shave and felt bad whenever I would pick blades of grass when sitting on the lawn.  My ninth came from a huge family of all adopted kids (either 11 or 13, I don't remember) and told me that one of her fantasies was to get raped.  You're starting to get a picture of the spectrum of girls that I've dated (if you asked me to pick a favorite, I'd probably choose the one with the pink hair.  Not because she was hot.  We legitimately had a good relationship.  Plus she was hot).

So when people are like "Oh, not her.  You wouldn't be interested in her."  I'm like, "Try me."  And when people are like, "I met this girl and she's totally perfect for you!"  I look at her and, usually, immediately say no.

In short:  I don't have a type.

People often assume that just because I ask about a girl, I'm interested in her.  I'm usually not.  I just like to know stuff about people.  Just recently I was asking a friend about a girl that she knew.  I've asked this girl about other girls in the past and I'm pretty sure about something - She has a massive crush on me and wants me to never date anybody ever again.  There is no other reason for her to tell me to stay away from every girl.

She immediately was like, "You two don't have much in common, she just got out of a messy relationship and it would suck for you to make a move.  She's not your type.  [I'm a dirty skank].  Forget about her and move on.  Just leave her alone."  It was all pretty much the exact same thing she said about a girl a few months ago.

Then I was like "Hold up hold up hold up.  I don't want to marry the girl.  I just want a quick recap of what she's like.  I'm not even interested in dating her yet.  I just want to know something about her."  For some reason my friend didn't quite compute this and kept saying that we were all wrong for each other and stuff so I just gave up.  Just because I ask a question about someone or something doesn't mean I'm interested in it.  I just want to know something about it so that I can hold my own in a conversation later.

So there you go.  I like things, but I don't like things similar to those things.  I dislike things, but I like things similar to those things.  Moving target.  That's me.


  1. Okay so I happen to love Singin' in the Rain. Also Wall-E is nothing like Toy Story 3. At all. After reading about your girlfriends, I'm glad you never wanted to date me. And how many times did I tell you what you wanted to know about people?
    Are we still friends?

  2. Guess not. Welp... cya later!