So in a strange and difficult to explain turn of events, I am now back together with The French Girl and have told Chloe that I would rather just be friends. I know, that's a huge swing from my last few (sparse) posts, but I feel like I've made the right decision. So now the big question:
Me dating The French Girl was a good thing for me, but I went into the "relationship" knowing that it would be a temporary thing, so I treated it like a temporary thing. Anytime I started feeling any kind of emotion beyond "this girl is fun", I'd stop myself and remind myself that I'd be seeing Chloe soon. I was honest with The French Girl at the beginning of our relationship that we would be breaking up, so I didn't think much of it.
Then June came and I was by myself for the month because literally all of my friends were out of town. I'm the kind of person that spends a lot of time in my own thoughts anyway, so when you take away all social distractions, I'm pretty much stuck with my own thoughts. So I thought A LOT. And I found myself thinking about The French Girl a lot. And I realized that I missed her. It was a really great relationship where I could be weird and silly and tell her things that I'm embarrassed to tell other people and stuff like that (plus she is a fantastic kisser). In my thinking, I realized that there are only a few things about The French Girl that bothered me: 1. She was loud. 2. She was emotional. 3. She was sometimes needy. That was it. Only 3 things about her that kind of bothered me. Other than that, I realized that she's exactly what I'm looking for.
So I sat and thought on that for a week or so. I thought in all sorts of different scenarios - if things don't work out with Chloe, would I get back with The French Girl? If I never knew Chloe, how would things be different with The French Girl? Things like that. I thought through dozens of different scenarios.
And then I wondered how Chloe would be better for me than The French Girl. Now, I haven't seen Chloe in like two years, so my judgment on the matter isn't 100% correct, but I feel like I have enough information to make an informed decision. Basically, in order to be better for me than The French Girl, Chloe would have to have all of the wonderful things that The French Girl has, as well as not be either loud, emotional, or needy.
I've always liked taking risks and I've always known that going after Chloe would be a risk. But I realized that it's a risk that I don't need to take. Based on what I know of Chloe, I think The French Girl is a better match for me.
And then the jealousy thing kicked in and that's when I really realized that the feelings that I have for The French Girl were serious. So a few days after that incident, I called The French Girl and after a brief re-ice-breaking conversation, I said "I think I'm in love with you..."
I explained the situation. I explained how The French Girl was perfect for me except for 3 small things. She boldly asked what they were. So I told her. And she's been working on them. She knows that she's loud, she knows that she's emotional, and she said she was needy because she couldn't feel secure in our relationship because she knew my thoughts were elsewhere.
This all took place like two weeks ago, and things are only improving (and quite quickly).
I guess the point is that I'm happy.