Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Factory Resets and Songs

I think I spend the majority of my free time endlessly searching for blogs on the internet with no real purpose in mind.  I'll read about anything.  Yesterday I learned something about food that I've already forgotten.  There are a lot of people out there that feel they have something to say.  A lot of them really do and are very interesting about it.  I found one called "Dating is Miserable" and I really like it.  It's about a girl that lives in San Francisco and hates dating.  I'm from San Francisco and I hate dating, too (italicizing just one letter feels weird)!  Also, if you've never read it, Hyperbole and a Half will make you lol and rofl left and right.  It's a bunch of stories from a girl's past and she draws funny pictures to emphasize funny points.  I read it during my Macroeconomics class last semester.

Lately, my blog has been less about conversations I have with imaginary people and more about my dating woes (with a random post about homosexual adoption... where did that even come from?).  Write what you know, I guess.  I know that women are crazy.  Not me.  Them.

Funny thing:

If you've been reading the last few posts that I've made, you know that I've recently gone through a severing of a loose emotional connection with another person.  I'd label it as a breakup, but I'd hardly call what we did dating.  I'm still not sure which word to use when labeling what's going on, but breakup is too strong.  What we have here is two people who were slightly more than just friends, and then one decided they didn't want to be friends anymore.  That's not a falling out because there wasn't really a fight right before it.  It's not a separation because that implies the possibility of getting back together.  I dunno.  Basically, she was a crappy "more than a friend" as well as a crappy "friend" so she got axed.

Actually, there's a much bigger reason than that, but it's a fundamental flaw in how I trust (or don't trust) people and it's something I'm not willing to go into right now.  But the above reason still stands.  It was like being friends with a teenage girl.  Oh wait.

Back on track with the previous thought:

When we first met, we were definitely dating, but that quickly trailed off.  I told her to go away.  I think my exact words were "I think I'm done with you," which, I admit, is a little insulting, but it needed to be done. I later got an angry-ish text from her saying that anything she does isn't good enough for me.  That would be true if she ever did anything for me.

I wondered what she meant, so I asked.  She first responded with a childish "I shouldn't have to tell you" ...which is right - she doesn't HAVE to tell me, but why say it if you're not willing to explain it?  So I told her she didn't have to tell me, but it would be nice to know if it was a mistake that I should avoid in the future.  She said that she was always apologizing to me and that I expected her life to be centered around me and a bunch of other stuff I can't remember.  I disagree with her.  She was always apologizing because she was always doing something stupid (such as playing on Facebook and not talking to me after she invited me over or talking indefinitely to her friends about Harry Potter when her and I were supposed to have a night out).  As far as me expecting her life to be centered around me, that's not entirely true (but it kind of is).  I would have been fine with just a portion of her life.  As it stood, she was always saying that she was too busy to be with me, but would always find time to be with her other friends.  You'd think that after 4 months of dating, a shift in priority would have taken place.  It didn't.  She thinks I was being selfish and I think that if I were Yiselle or Jessie, she would have been more than happy to make out with me. Anyway, that's not the funny thing that I was going to say.

This is the funny thing I was going to say:  I have a Droid Eris (haha).  One thing this little phone is capable of is storing about 8gb of information.  It has a pretty large hard drive for how small the device is.  However, whoever made the damned thing forgot to put in a stable operating system and a little processing power.

Sarah (aka Sara 2.0 - another post for another day) and I had exchanged about 4000 text messages since we met in September (2000 of those were in the first week or two) and there was about 8000 messages in total saved on my phone.  My phone automatically saves every single one of them.  I don't care if text messages are saved; I rarely go back and read them.  When I do, it's because I was drugged one night and I don't quite remember what I said.  Anyway, when you combine thousands of text messages with an unstable operating system and a weak processor, it turns out you are unable to delete those messages no matter how nicely you ask.  The stupid thing freezes up!

It's kind of a vicious cycle.  When I get too many text messages, I want to delete them.  When I want to delete them, I can't delete them.  But if I had deleted them before there were too many, it would have worked.  But I don't think to delete them if I don't have too many.  So basically, once I pass a certain point, I am doomed to fill up my hard drive to the brim with useless text messages.  It's beyond my will.  It's also beyond the scope of logic.  It's also beyond the scope of the gun I have pointed at the CEO's head.

I look forward to the day this phone dies.

I wanted to delete every text message from Sarah and then delete her number from my phone.  It's a pretty simple idea, but apparently it's an extremely complicated action.  I'd try and the phone would crash.

So I looked on the internet for a while and someone was talking about an app that deletes all your text messages.  Great! I thought.  I downloaded it and pushed the "ERASE ALL" button.  I kid you not, it took like 3 minutes to delete 10 texts.  Of the 8000 total that I wanted to delete, that would have taken several weeks to delete all those messages.  So I was stuck in a weird place.  I could delete Sarah's number but not her messages, meaning that if I were feeling especially lonely one night, I would still be able to text her.  I didn't want this to happen, so I had to do something drastic:  I did a factory reset on my phone.

Why be rational when you can be drastic?

Why man the hell up when you can do a factory reset?

Essentially, what that meant was that I could delete all the messages quickly, delete her number, but it would cost me everything else stored on my phone.  I weighed the opportunity cost (which was self-loathe) and I decided it was worth it.  Now I have very few phone numbers in my phone and I had to spend forever putting the settings back to how I like them.  BUT, I no longer have her number and don't have to worry about trying to text her in a moment of weakness.  Plus, if she texts me, I get to say "Who is this?" which always feels like a triumph when dealing with someone you don't want to keep in contact with.

I would delete her from my Facebook, but the chances of me running into her in the near future are pretty much 100% and she would definitely call me out on it.  I'll still keep considering it, but I'm not sure it'll happen.

So once again, you are brought up to date on my romantic life.


Ok, I just lied, there are other things going on.

We'll start with the girl I went out with last week.  For the sake of keeping her name anonymous (lest someone should read this and then go tell her), we will call her Victoria.

Victoria caught my eye because a friend of mine told me to let Victoria catch my eye.  This friend has a pretty good understanding of what kind of person I am, so I decided to trust her.  Good choice.  I don't normally like girls that others try to set me up with, but I figured this time might be different.  Why?  Don't ask me such difficult questions.

One night, I was over at my friend's house and Victoria was there (along with other people).  It came that time where everyone simultaneously gets up and decides it's time to go even though no one mentioned anything about it.  Victoria said she needed a ride home, so I was quick in offering a ride.  We sat around and chatted for a bit longer, and then I drove her home.  It turns out she's really cool, so I asked her for her phone number.  She said her phone wasn't working, so I should just "friend" her on Facebook.  So I did.

I just realized that Facebook has been the avenue for most of my dates since moving out to this god-indoctrinated romantic wasteland.

Anyway, it turns out that Victoria doesn't have a computer either, so sending a Facebook message takes half an eternity to get to her.  I manage to communicate to her that a date on Saturday would be a good thing and she agrees.  I picked her up at 8.

We went and got frosties (which I now understand is ridiculous to do when it's 20 degrees outside).  Then we went to the ice cream store that I live above (the one that's closed for the winter.  I got the key from Nate), hooked my keyboard and computer up to the sound system, and wrote a song.

It turns out that we are both very sexually-minded people.  There was definitely that undertone of "is this a hint, or just a song?"  I'll show you what I mean.  The song has a girl and guy part and it's about keeping each other warm.  We chose this theme because it was really cold in the ice cream store (see how that can be interpreted?).  The song has a classic jazz/blues sound to it:

Girl:  Baby, I'm shivering.  Why aren't you here with me?  You're so good at keeping me warm.
Guy:  Honey, don't worry.
Girl:  Oh please, won't you hurry?
Guy:  I'm coming to keep you warm.  The thought of cold lips leaves me so blue.
Girl:  When you get home I'll show you just what to do.
Guy:  I don't know what you're planning tonight.
Girl:  You've got nowhere to run and nowhere to hide.Guy:  Then come on, baby.  You're a beautiful sight.  You're cold and I'm feeling bold.  We're gonna sizzle all night.
Together:  Just you and me entangled in the twilight.


Can you see what I'm getting at, here?  Is that just a song, or is that both of us subtly telling the other person that we want to get it on?  I'm still not sure.  Would I have made out with her?  Maybe.  But there was little physical touch throughout the night, and going from "0" to "makeout" is a little too jolting for me.  I like me some lovin, but I'm not disrespectfully desperate.

Anyway, we had a lot of fun.  At the end of the night, I walk her up to the front door and she says (something to the effect of), "We'll do it again sometime?"  I'm not an expert in linguistics, especially with the female dialect, but I assume that means she would like to go out with me again sometime.

Now comes the post-date stuff.  I saw her the next day at church.  We didn't talk.  She did, however, make a comment in the class I was teaching and halfway through her comment she began to giggle.  Whether she began to giggle because she thought what she was saying was funny, or because I was staring directly at her, I don't know.  Then, to wrap up her comment, she said that Jesus was cute.  Any joke I can make most likely won't top what you're thinking right now, so I won't even try to top it.

Anyway, what with her not having a phone and all, I send her yet another Facebook message saying, "This is the equivalent of a phone call the day after a date."  I said that I had a good time and that I look forward to doing it again in the near future.

I assume that she sent back her reply on a phone with a very small on-screen keyboard because she is far smarter than that message would lead you to believe.  That's one thing I hate about the world evolving into text-based communication.  The most intelligent and well-spoken people I've ever met are reduced to "Lol, r u gong 2 teh show aftr dis rofl"  What is that?  What would your second grade teacher do to you if she ever saw that?  There's not even a question mark at the end.  You know what I want to do when I see that?  Hmm?  Kill you.  That's what.

Anyway, what she sent back wasn't exactly articulate, but it got the job done.

Hold on, my roommate is on the phone and he just mentioned the name of a girl I'm interested in...

False alarm.  I mean...  he did mention her name, but not for the reason I was hoping.

Ok.  Back on track with our last thought.  See, this is difficult for me because that was like 15 minutes, but for you reading it was like 10 seconds, so now I have to gather my thoughts.  Ummm... date... sexual song... cold... wasteland... Facebook... ah.  Ok.  Yes.  I know where we are, now.

There will likely be a second date with Victoria.  As it stands right now, I'm not head over heels crazy for her, but I can definitely see myself having feelings for her.  How strong?  I dunno.  I guess I'll see where it goes.

Wait a minute.  Isn't your head always over your heels?  Isn't that a normal state of being?  Head over heels?  What does that even mean?

Beyond Victoria, there is a girl that I'm definitely interested in, and I get the feeling that she's interested in me.  The problem is that for the last little while, we've been playing a game of emotional chicken.  We'll start coming at each other and then one of us will bail out at the last second and say something to ruin it.  I don't know why, but it's a scary thing!  There isn't enough going on there to justify a blog post, though, so I won't go into it in too much detail.  I'll just say that on Sunday she told me that if I were on my death bed and she had one thing to say to me, she would ask me why we never hung out.  That's gotta count for something, right?  Of course, I'd most likely die before I got to answer and then she'd spend the rest of her life wondering what I would have said.  That sounds like it would be a good movie.

There's another girl that I see walking around campus from time to time that is EXTREMELY cute.  I don't know much about her beyond that.  I have this friend, Caitlin.  Her and I talk about dating a lot and we always try to help each other out.  She recently started dating a guy that she spent the last 4 months hating (I don't know why).  She has since disappeared from the face of the earth.  I tried to send her in to see if she could get any info or anything on the cute girl.  Caitlin responded with "DO YOUR OWN WORK!!"  Caitlin is a bitch when she has a boyfriend.  I don't even care if she reads this.  Caitlin, you're a bitch.

Ok.  I think that brings us up to speed on my romantic escapades.

Outside of that, things in my life have been constant.  Yesterday, I got a threat left on my windshield from the owner of the Italian restaurant next door that told me to stop parking my car in front of his store all day.  My car was parked in the stall that's in front of both where I live and his place; it splits the two buildings.  Sometimes I wish I didn't have morals.  I'd set his restaurant on fire with one of those molotov cocktails I see in the movies.  Then I'd set off a pipe bomb inside the wine store down the street.  Then I'd be satisfied.

I'm not allowed to park my car on the street for longer than two hours, anyway.  So now I guess I'm just going to park my car on the side street from now on.

Now it's time for me to go do statistics homework until my facial orifices bleed.

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